Down With Spike
by Natters
Summary: Spike bashing. How many ways can I kill, maim or otherwise seriously injure Spike? Any suggestions very welcome
1. Default Chapter

( Firstly: I love James Marsters. He's really cute.  
  
But as a devoted Buffy/Angel shipper, I need to torture Spike for a while.  
  
So I present " Down With Spike "  
  
A variety of ways to kill, torture and/or maim Spike. Some of these will be short and... painful, others more detailed.  
  
Some will be X - overs, with Lord Of The Rings, Babylon 5, Trek, Dark Angel, and whatever else springs to mind.  
  
Springs....hmm.....now there's an idea  
  
Anyways, here's chapter 1: The Mack Truck  
  
Rating: PG, I guess...?  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Grr Argh, is also not mine. Angel is not mine *whimper*, Spike is not mine *sniff*. Mack Trucks aren't mine.)  
  
Down With Spike  
  
Chapter 1: Mack Truck  
  
Angel was driving along the streets of Sunnydale, in a Mack Truck. He saw Spike.  
  
WHAM!!!!!!  
  
The end 


	2. 

Chapter 2

Okay people, lets clear things up, for those of you who weren't listening….

I Love James Marsters!

I live in England, UK, I'm NOT American! (No offense)

I did not create a new Genre…character bashing is a well known institute. Asha bashing (Dark Angel) is my favourite.

And I last thing… Buffy and Angel FOREVER!!!!!!!!! 

To coin a phrase.. "Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh"

Down with Spike 2: Holy Water

Angel walks into the Bronze, takes out his water pistol & fires at Spike. Spike screams in agony.

Angel rams Spike against the wall, places the nozzle in Spike's mouth.

**__**

Angel: "Leave Buffy alone"

He shoots

THE END


	3. 

1 Down With Spike: Chapter 3: Bullets Hurt Like Hell  
  
A/N: Of course, I can't forget what Darla said in my fav Season 1 episode ("Angel"- duh! What else!) "Bullets hurt like hell", so 'ere we go!  
  
  
  
(Spike is standing outside the Summer's house, by 'his' tree, watching the door silently. He hears Angel's voice)  
  
Angel: Spikey, you have been a very naughty boy. (He comes forward with a gun. gunshot, through Spike's fingers) And we all know, bad boys must be punished. (gunshot through the wrists) You've been getting unclean thoughts about my Buffy haven't you.  
  
Spike: Look mate, she ain't your girl no more.  
  
Angel: Perhaps not. But that doesn't mean you can drool all over her. (gunshot through his feet. Spike whimpers) I'm sorry, did you say something?  
  
Spike: I can't bloody move!  
  
Angel: Yes, I know. I'm cheating. I had a friend of mine put a paralysing spell on you. After all can't have you running away just yet, can I? (gunshot to his knees) That's better. Now that I've taken care of you… Ooops! I forgot one tiny detail, but it's so small, nobody will miss it anyway. (gunshot.) Bye Spike!  
  
THE END 


	4. 

1 Down With Spike: Chapter 4: The Box  
  
  
  
(Angel is driving a van, in the back of which there is a large perforated crate, about 4 foot square. He arrives in Sunnydale about an hour before sunrise, enters Spike crypt & drags him outside)  
  
Angel: Whassa matter Spike?  
  
Spike: What the hell is this Man? What did I do?  
  
Angel: Well, you see.. there's this thing I'd like to show you.  
  
Spike: Not interested.  
  
Angel: Come on Spike, we're practically on the same side now. It'll be just like the old days.  
  
Spike: Old days eh? You've still got that pesky soul though?  
  
Angel: Yes, but you haven't.  
  
Spike: No, but I do have this chip in my head.  
  
Angel: For my purposes, that's not important.  
  
Spike: So, if we're not going out for a drink… (Spike trails off as he notices the box) What's that?  
  
Angel: We're gonna play a game. It's called Spike toast. (Angel chucks him inside.)  
  
  
  
(SEVERAL hours later, after sunset, Angel returns. Spike is burnt all over and in too much pain to move, so Angel hauls hi out and chucks him on the floor.)  
  
Angel: Run  
  
THE END  
  
Mwahhaahaaahhaa! I know, I know, it isn't very realistic, but who cares. Now then which do you think would hurt the most… red hot pokers? Or freezing cold? 


	5. 

1 Down with Spike 5: Star Trek TNG X-over: Spike vs Q  
  
(On the Enterprise D, there is a quick burst of light & Q & Angel appear on the bridge.)  
  
Q: Ahh, Mon Capitan!  
  
Picard: Q! What do you want this time?  
  
Q: It's simple really. I've been examining human history, and I've discovered something quite fascinating.  
  
Deanna: (who has been watching Angel closely) Captain?  
  
Picard: Yes Counsellor?  
  
Deanna: Something's very wrong with that man… he feels like… a schizophrenic.  
  
Q: My dear Deanna. Do not ruin my wonderful explanation, and I won't spoil your soon-to-be-married-to-someone-else relationship with the Klingon Puppy over there. (Worf growls)  
  
Worf: Captain, I protest!  
  
Picard: As you were Worf. What do you want Q?  
  
Q: I was trying to tell you, before I was so rudely interupted. I have discovered an intriguing detail… Vampires.  
  
Picard: Vampires? Q I don't have time for ancient horror stories.  
  
Q: Au contraire, Jean Luc. Much more than a myth. They exist. Even in your time. But I digress. I am here because we need to borrow the Enterprise for.. 5 minutes?  
  
Picard: Why?  
  
Q: Because it's going to be such fun! You human's claim to enjoy a little adventure don't you?  
  
Picard: Why the Enterprise?  
  
Q: Well, you were the first place I thought of. (Q clicks his fingers and they are suddenly hovering above Sunnydale at night. Spike is fighting a demon in the Cemetary. Q clicks his fingers a second time and a console, with a single red button appears in front of Angel. Angel pushes it without hesistation and there is a quick flash from the Enterprise's deflector. The Cemetary is now empty, the grass steaming quietly. Q clicks his fingers and he and Angel dissapppear. The Enterprise is returned to it' previous position.)  
  
Picard: Report.  
  
Data: Apparantly Captain, they used a quantum relay pulse phase baryon sweep beam to disintegrate both individuals in the Cemetary, sir.  
  
  
  
THE END 


	6. 

1 Down With Spike: Chapter 6: Don't lose your head  
  
  
  
(Angel comes at Spike with a 100 year old axe….)  
  
SNICK! SNACK!  
  
THE END  
  
Well, what were you expecting? 


	7. 

1 Down With Spike: Chapter 7: "The last time I tortured someone"…  
  
Remember when Angelus tortured Giles… can you guess where this one is going yet?  
  
Angel: Hey Spike! (Spike yelps in fear but is otherwise immobilised, as Angel revs up his chainsaw) I want to play a game.  
  
Spike: Bloody hell.  
  
Angel: Sorry, it gets boring in LA after a while. So I thought I'd come torture my favourite grandson. And look, I brought the latest toy! (Angel shreads Spike to ribbons) Ooops! Never could control these damn technological marvels.  
  
THE END 


	8. 

Down with Spike 8: LotR X-over 1: Narsil.  
  
(A/N: I love Lord of the Rings. I've seen the movie 13 times now…. That's kinda sad isn't it. Oh well. Who cares. Anyway, here is the first LotR X- over.)  
  
(Angel banishes Spike to Middle Earth. Spike meets Aragorn {drool} just after the reforging of Narsil. Aragorn has to check it works, and he does enjoy beheading stuff… {Come on – do I really have to spell it out for ya?}  
  
SNICK SNACK!)  
  
The end 


	9. 

1 Down With Spike 9: LotR X-over 2: Spike vs the Balrog  
  
(A/N Isn't the Balrog really cool!)  
  
(Angel banishes Spike back to Middle Earth. Spike enters the gates of Moria, to hide from the Sun. He decides to explore. Suddenly the Balrog rears up in front of him and roars.)  
  
Spike: Oi! Watch it Mate! You don't want to mess with me. I'm a Big Ba- Eeeek! (The Balrog touches him and POOF! Spike burns to ashes.)  
  
THE END 


End file.
